Train journeys are a pretty good analogy of life. You’re sitting in your seat and the world just rolls on by, fields and buildings just come and go in the blink of an eye. The blur of the window view can sometimes be related to the blur of my life. I know that stuff is happening in it but it just appears to be a blur.
Going through the motions is such a cliche but is it that because we’ve made it so, I often hear people speak of it and yet I wonder if we ever do anything about it. I recently just joined University and so far it has been amazing experience, I’ve met friends for a lifetime, learnt so much stuff already and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in the last few years. But when I stop and analyse my “spiritual life” or my walk with God I often note how much he appears to be a blur. Don;t get me wrong its not as if Ive fallen off the rails and become a sex obsessed, drug dealing alcoholic student. I go to church several times a week, go to a christian union, lead worship, say the right things, do the ‘right’ things even think the ‘right’ things, I give to charity and I think and talk about God regularly. I’m a pretty good lad i that sense.
But when I stop and think about it, I wonder if God went holiday whether I’d notice he’d gone. Its not even as if University is the downfall, I found myself working in a church the past few years and the same conclusion could be deemed true of that experience. It just seems I’m going through the motions in the state that I feel I could be classed as a modern pharisee, constantly looking at life through my religious worldview yet slightly missing the reality of what it means to follow a very much alive YHWH. Even at church I dress up so to speak, and this doesn’t even mean wearing my nice shirt and smart trousers, but instead dressing up my personality to appear like I’m on right road, raising my hands to let everyone know I still love Jesus. Of course there are moments where divine encounter with my maker and where God gets through my fake body armour exist and I am truly inspired, and with luck the inspiration will endeavour to counter the busy state of my life but the busyness just creeps back in.
I was blessed to be a part of a bible study recently where we studied malachi and we noted how the Israelites went on with life doing there rituals and acting holy and yet how they’d forgotten their God. In facts its a big topic throughout the bible.This begs the question “Have I somehow made my life too busy? Is God the central thing in my life?” When I truly walk with God life is fuller, and its this art of stopping that has challenged me. I remember our pastor David Williams talking about “do we give God the times in our lives where we’re at our best, or do we give him the time of our lives where we’re at out worst”
it’s resonated with me ever since and when I do stop and seek to discover the real thoughts of my life and when I truly seek God, is when I find the times where I see God using me most in my life, not for my goodness but to my openess (for there is always the temptation to think that God can use me when I’m free of wrong) However these moments seem rare and infrequent and often dulled down to a five minutes before bedtime. I want to know God in fullness because I know he’s worth it, just my westernised world view tempts me to live the life of a busy man.
I’ve written this from my own view because it’s the journey I am on and isn;t a disctint view that is fact, but is glimmer of my thoughts and thoughts that I hope challenge us as they challenge me. The journey with God is exciting and hard but its also a journey as a community. I dream that for the communities of believers we find ourselves in whether under the banner of an organisation or just an organic expression of faith that we would challenge ourselves on our journeys and that as Paul said all those years ago that we would shine like stars in the universe. That as we stop and “be still and know that God is God” we would live lives of reality, not blurs floating past the train window,
I’ll finish my ramblings with a paraphrase from SImon Ponsoby who stated ” As churches we don;t need better music systems, slicker services and more programmes, we need more of God”
“Spirt break out, break our walls down”